Maxim For Today
Take this pill — be changed forever?
If change could be sold in a bottle- the product would fly off the shelves like hotcakes, — worldwide.
I think of people hoping to shed a few pounds, quit smoking, or quit gambling or any compulsive behavior that has become a beast of burden. I think of souls addicted to prescription pills, or pornography who want desperately to stop consuming but cannot find the will to overcome its grips.
Instead of getting to the root of our unhappiness and problems, we choose masks and cover-up solutions such as alcohol, drugs, pornography, anger, self-pity, revenge, hatred, etcetera.
We find ourselves face to face with a fifty-foot fiery breathing dragon that’s emerged- through our very own ditch-digging “faux fixes” and instead of living with the original personal problem, we're are now faced with two problems-one, the habit we created to cover up the first problem and two, the original problem.
Imagine taking a pill that dissolves unwanted desires. Think about that?
“Change is not easy.”
Because trappings neigh after our better judgments, luring us into the very trap we in no way want to repeat, but do anyways. We seem prone to destructive and compulsive behaviors and come to hate our very own weaknesses.
Imagine instead reaching for the “imaginary pill” and instantly being changed?
Fortunately, there is no magic pill- but prisoners of hope-imagine there are solutions. We can get to point B, from point A. We can move away from undesired patterns toward newfound freedom. We can overpower and overcome the emotional border bullies that hold us back from the better life in store for us if we just step through to the other side of our addictions and idiosyncrasies.
Here are simple, steps to healing.
Step 1. Admit to yourself that you have no control- and it's okay.
I tried for many years to shake off social drinking and soon realized the habit was negatively affecting my life. I was not functioning at one hundred percent. Not an overt drunk, but buzzed enough to be lazy in attitude, and mind, living below clear levels of excellence, I preferred alcohol being in my way. I used alcohol as a reason not to be a better person. Ingrained in my daily activities, I convinced myself that it was okay to drink each day and that it was not “a problem”. But like a bad stench in the fridge, it had to go. Getting rid of the bad odor was not easy. I had to first, locate the rotten smell. What is causing me to do this? What is the root of these actions? I could not change myself, nor my mind. I would fail over and over again repeating what I did not want to do. I gave up trying because my ineptness discouraged me profusely. I can’t do this.
“I prayed to God, Lord I have no power or strength to do this. I do not know what to do, but my eyes are on You.”
Step 2. Replace the old patterns with sincere incremental self-talk.
Everything happens gradually. Whether a good or bad habit— all things happen in increments, gradually, slowly. One bad decision at a time, one good decision at a time- piled up to good or bad outcomes.
Notice poor patterns of behavior and actions which lead you to the undesired result you do not want to repeat and turn away from them. Do not go to a place that you shouldn’t be at, do not associate with others who will influence you to do what you do not want to do- cut off the relationship. Watch your steps before you get to a point of no return, carefully monitoring what you’re thinking. Stop your thoughts in their tracks before you make a decision you come to regret. Talk to your thoughts, control what passes through your mind, at all times of the day and every minute.
Ask yourself- does this thought serve me well- if I carry it through? Evaluate each thought before acting on it, for its quality of outcome, toward your healing, and improvement of day.
Be aware of your weaknesses and trigger points. We all have them. Having a problem with alcohol, I avoid the liquor store and the aisles of the grocery store where alcohol is placed- because it's a temptation to me that I am not in full control of- yet. Monkey see monkey do, and a monkey I am.
“Ie ie ie- or whatever monkey sound- a monkey makes.”
Step 3. Set yourself to be in the presence of a figure or character you're embarrassed to be out of control- while in their presence.
There are people in our lives whom we respect enough, not to do things that are embarrassing or wrong while in front of them. Someone who is successful, healthy, and able to guide you and move you toward your best you. Rarely do we come across someone we want to emulate, but we respect and take advice from one who has gone through a similar experience. It’s easier to listen to someone who has been through it and learn how they meet their challenges to change and overcome a situation that seemed insurmountable. We want to be around someone who has had the experience and succeeded and has been around to tell the story of our common human state and need for each other's support and prayers.
Step 4. What not to do.
Do not check off any calendar days. Don’t count the days your drug free, smoke free, or anything free.
Be fully you. Accept what you're going through, with patience, with no pressures or expectations. Set no bar of any height.
Do not stress yourself with post-it’s on the fridge, or with sounds of trumpet blasts at each hour of the day annoucing you made a switch of habit. Keep it to yourself.
Stay away from any situation that will stress you in any way. Fights, quarrels, disputes, going somewhere where there is tension, anger, or bitterness. In other words, stay calm and quiet as far as it depends on you. Keep and set your life “on simple mode” for as long as required until you’re at a place where you can quietly and effectively control what you will do or not do.
Once we go into a stressed mode we look for calming effects and usually, these calming effects are addictive behaviors that leave us worst off. Know your trigger points and avoid them, situations, or people who will set you off.
When a debilitating idea creeps in your mind, catch and seize the thought and say out loud “NO!” It takes one thought to fall into an action you will regret. It takes one thought to avoid an action you do not want to be part of. It all happens first in the mind as thoughts. Do not let thoughts that could potentially harm you- roll around unaddressed in your head, like a bird in a snare, you know the lingering, loitering thoughts, and then the trap and you’ve allowed yourself to be convinced to one more time be snared again into an old pattern. It’s a trap and recognizes you're being set up for a fall.
I have been alcohol-free for a while now, I had no pin-ups- no indicators on my fridge, no pep talks this time around. Just me and the silence. After repeated failed attempts to change what I do no longer want in my life and realizing I can not change myself. I have let go of my inadequacies and have stopped focusing on my problems and all I do wrong.
I simply find it easier to imagine God beside me and lean on His power and strength. I imagine His presence with me every morning as I sing Psalms, as I read His Word, as I pray in His presence. The more and more time I spend in the presence of the LORD. I can’t help like become like Him. I am taking on His image of thoughts — my image of thoughts is diminishing. I don’t have to do anything-not even change.
I will let the LORD change what is wrong with me, it’s easier this way for me.
“ For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts.” Isaiah 55:8
